16 weeks and going strong!

Today I'm 16+5 (where has the time gone?) and all is progressing well. We went for the routine 16 week scan on Monday to check the growth and state of play. Both twins are still absolutely perfect and growing well. The brain and heart are developing properly, the kidneys were visible, the spinal column showed no problems and all is looking good with the placentas. It is getting difficult to get clear images now as they are right on top of each other and I assume they will get more and more jumbled in there. It is still very overwhelming to see two babies swimming around. I am so in awe of them and what we have managed to create, but equally a bit scared about the enormity of it all!

I think the term often used is "twin shock". For some it goes away quickly and you adjust to the idea which I did initially, but the further into the pregnancy I get, I sometimes find myself thinking... oh.my.god! I worry about my bond with my existing little princess and how the arrival of the babies is going to radically change our family dynamics. Bella was my longed for and much awaited and anticipated first baby and our bond is very deep and strong. It is no secret how completely head over heels I am with her. At the moment it feels hard to imagine loving not just one but two more babies as much as I do her. I have spoken to some fantastic mummy friends (thank you girls!) who have 2 or more kids and have been assured that you just find even more room in your heart to love the extra ones without taking away from the others. A difficult thing to imagine right now, but my heart which currently belongs to Bella will be split 3 ways. How vulnerable am I going to be?!

I've had quite the emotional time in the last week with certain things troubling me, like the bonding with the new babies and the delivery. Scared just about sums it up! I've found out that I have to deliver in an operating theatre with a team on standby for any eventuality, which if that isn't enough to have a room full of strangers and highlight all the things that may go wrong, I have to do it alone. In Spain they have a policy of not allowing partners into the theatres for the delivery. I know it will only be a brief (hopefully) moment in time and we have the rest of our lives together as a family unit, but still I would have preferred Chris to be there. He does get to stay with me through the labour and I guess the last stages are a bit of a blur before the actual delivery but already it is playing on my mind. I think a new dose of double hormones must have kicked in this week as I find my eyes getting very weepy quite easily! Shares in kleenex anyone????!