I've toyed with the idea of posting this, is it too much information or something I should keep to myself? After several days of pondering I've decided to post to be true to the original nature of this blog...sharing a journey through pregnancy and the highs and lows. I know it's progressed in to a blog about Bella but I want to extend it beyond her too. We always knew we'd like a sibling for her and had been trying since July 09.
In February I got a surprise positive pregnancy test and was over the moon. We went back to see our gynae twice to check all was well with the baby and at 6 weeks we saw and heard the heartbeat, a big relief. I suffered many weeks of sickness and tiredness while trying to look after a very active toddler. Before we knew it the 12 week scan was here (Tuesday 13th April) and I was so excited. I was even planning what to write for my "Big Announcement". We went in to see the sonographer saying we didn't want to know the sex etc, only to be told we wouldn't be knowing anything as the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. One of the most devastating things to hear. My hopes and dreams for the new baby in tatters. It was a missed miscarriage. I had medical management to help pass everything out which happened yesterday.
It's a totally strange place to be in and completely alien to me. Whilst dealing with the physical pain which is bad enough, the emotional side is totally exhausting. I've been through a whirlwind of emotions and my head has hurt from crying so much. It is totally like grieving the loss of a loved one. Today was a very low day for me, as I think it was all so final, but I have also learned to appreciate my present and what I do have, my already amazing family. I've been truly blessed with Bella considering the time and trauma we went through to get her and for that I am eternally grateful. I still do want to give her a sibling and experience the joy of pregnancy again so although I have been knocked for six this time, we will try again when ready.
For now, blogging will resume dedicated to my truly amazing daughter :)
2 comments:
I totally feel your pain, having also endured the same. The statistics are staggering but women don't talk about it. We did an interview for Grazia magazine to raise awareness. Time is the great healer & Bella will be a fabulous older sister when the time's right. Be gentle to yourself. You're loved! You rock! X
Thanks Petra. It sadly is all too common. Do you have a copy of your interview? If possible I'd like to read it, just for perspective x
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